The Western Concept

Cory Neumiller, Guest Columnist 

It has been four years since I walked out of DSU with a degree in one hand and a student loan note in the other. Back then, the college had a rip snorting Western Concept newspaper that covered everything from squirrels on the roof of May Hall to the time somebody carved his name in the bark of a tree on campus. It appears to me that they’ve lowered their standards a fair amount as now they’ve asked me to do a guest editorial.

I haven’t been on campus in a while, but I’m guessing not much has changed. Of course, tuition has gone up, but the potato salad in the lunch room is probably from the same batch they whipped up when I was there. I also heard the Rattlesnake closed, which was really sad for me, as it was the first place I was kicked out of when I moved to Dickinson. Other than that, it hasn’t changed much since Roosevelt, so I thought I would give you a little free advice, and maybe it could save you a few steps in the wrong direction, or at least a fair amount of bail money.

First, jobs during college are not worth your time. Repeat after me, “I will be broke when I leave. I will be broke when I leave.” The sooner you come to realize that, the sooner you can spent that extra ten bucks on an inflatable parrot for your dorm room, and spend your evenings cruising Paterson Lake looking for piranhas instead of joining the cult/staff at Applebees.

Six years at one school isn’t that long.

Next, when the professor says to read pages six through 342 for Wednesday, just realize you are screwed before you even start. If you try, you will be the only one. Sit next to somebody smart and nod your head when she answers questions correctly. Keep in mind she didn’t read it either, but was just born much smarter than you. It will make you look like you read. That is how I passed British Lit and met my wife. Use the time you saved on reading to run out to the Buckskin in Killdeer.

Rent Animal House.

Get involved in some college activities. I joined the Poets Club early on. Meetings were at the Rock, and dues were $1.25 a glass. I tried intramurals, but you often had to run in those activities, and it wasn’t worth it.

Run only if somebody is chasing you.

Road trips are the key to college sanity. I’m sure Dickinson is as happenin’ now as it was back then, so you’ll probably need to get out. Six guys in a Ford Festiva for twelve consecutive hours will make you appreciate staying at college on Fridays more than just about anything else. Especially the guy riding on the shifter – he’ll want to go back to class almost immediately upon pulling onto the interstate.

Other than that, just play it by ear. And if you do notice a squirrel on the roof of May, give the staff at the Western Concept a call. They’ll need the material.

Cory Neumiller is a Dickinson State alumni. He lives with his wife Nicole in Washburn, North Dakota where he is currently the editor of The Leader News.