The Western Concept

by Sudeep Simkhada

First, there was the gag about Frist. The pundits mobbed in and carped about Frist’s support for the House bill: “Frist, Do No Harm,” they bleated. They denounced the bill and gave us a lecture on morality: Jacob Weisberg wrote in Slate that the bill is “principled, impractical, and gratuitously cruel.” The bill, as passed by the Republican-heavy House, would make it a crime for Americans to help illegal immigrants, erect a 700-mile-long fence along the US-Mexico border, and criminalize illegal immigration by making it an “aggravated” felony. Apparently, the bill is a farce. However, the bill does have a point: the rules have changed. The paranoia is justifiable: America has to spot the terrorists, America has to stop the terrorists, and America has to have the right to strike preemptively. And where else to begin but with the illegal immigrants: the terrorists could infiltrate!

Following the House bill, there was the great Kennedy-McCain bill. Once again, the critics swarmed in and picketed: “No Amnesty,” they cawed. They think that such “amnesty” would only encourage further migration. The bill, if passed, would let the estimated 11 million illegal immigrants ultimately achieve full citizenship and create a program for “guest workers,” a phrase that President Bush is intent on using every time he talks about immigration reform. Apparently, the bill fails to appease the far right. However, the bill is also justifiable: America needs the workers, America needs to welcome similar workers, and America should always stand for Justice and Freedom. And where else to begin but with the illegal immigrants: they are already trained and able to work!

And then there was Specter’s compromise that passed the Senate Judiciary Committee but failed to go anywhere. A prime example of the Hegelian dialectic process, indeed!

According to Fareed Zakaria’s recent article in Newsweek, Europe has been experimenting with “guest worker” programs for quite a while. And, Zakaria maintains, they have all been flops. Meanwhile, the morality squad in America claims that such programs would be “exploitative and un-American.” Amidst all this, major cities across the U.S. were filled with throngs of people rallying for immigration reform. Where will America go now?

Everyone agrees that it is time America came up with a broad plan to deal with the issue. But how broad is broad enough?

Actually, it is time America does away with quasi-reforms that are just capitalist ploys disguised as moral incentives. It should open up its borders, but not just to everybody yet; America should declare itself open to the rich, the energized, and the elite individuals yearning to escape from the harshness of reality. To this end, the administration could provide more tax cuts to the rich who are already here. The Senate could mull over a bill that automatically lets anybody from anywhere with at least a few million dollars worth of corporation hedge funds gain a path to citizenship. The House, in turn, could pass a bill that would make it illegal for anybody to be poor and “yearning to breathe free.” And, they should not stop there. They should also pass a bill that does away with equality: some big shots in Washington will get to be more equal than others. Then, the competent FEMA could take measures to move the millions of poor Americans to Mexico or Canada – only the rich get to stay here. This way, the United States of America could make a smooth transition into becoming the United Free Capitalists of the World where all the nastiest corporations could find a safe harbor. On second thoughts, that has already happened. Probably the only thing left now is to get rid of the poor.

But then, who will mow the Capitalist lawns for dirt money? Who will be the “agricultural workers”? Who gets to do the laborious construction jobs? Who will do the dirty work in restaurants? Who will be nanny?

I bet the “amnesty” will be granted. Eventually.